Not Fast Enough
by fulg0re
Summary: This is a potential one-shot of my own take on Season 2 Episode 1. The plot for this story was seriously wasted, and I felt as though CW could've taken this chance to take Season 2 to an even darker path than it turned out. And for the sake of logic, instead of the borderline obsessive and forced WestAllen ship, I'm going to emphasise more focus on the more sensible SnowBarry ship
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This is just a one-shot of my own take on Season 2 Episode 1. In my opinion, the plot for this story was seriously wasted, and I felt as though CW could've taken this chance to take Season 2 to an even darker path than it turned out. And for the sake of logic, instead of the borderline obsessive and forced WestAllen ship, I'm going to emphasise more focus on the more sensible SnowBarry ship_

 _Please excuse me if you find the story terrible, this is my_ _first fan-fiction story ever_ _, and I'm typing this quickly since I'm going to fly over to the UK tonight_

 _If this story gets enough love and support, I might consider making this a series when I have spare time_

 _Warning: if you hate edgy shit, please stop reading, because there are indications of survivor's guilt and suicidal thoughts_

 _Also, spoiler alert for those who haven't watched the first 2 seasons of The Flash. And I don't own the characters, thank CW and DC_

* * *

 **Barry's POV** :

Ronnie Raymond. I didn't know him for long, but had we met under different circumstances, I'm almost certain that we would be best friends

6 months. 6 months since Eddie took his own life to save mine, 6 months since Ronnie saved Central City from the brink of destruction, and 6 months since the day I took away two of the most valuable people from two of the most important people in my life: Iris and Caitlin. And it was all my fault

I don't know what I did in the future to piss off Wells, but Eddie and Ronnie never deserved to die, let alone in the way they did. Many people died that day, I'm no hero, what good can "the fastest man alive" do when he can't even save the people closest to him? little, if not nothing, because I wasn't fast enough

They aren't going to forgive me, and I don't expect them to, so I changed my number, rented out a place on the edge of Central City, and did my best to avoid everybody: Joe, Iris, Caitlin, Cisco, Professor Stein, Oliver, Felicity, basically everybody who knows I'm the Flash besides Dad. I didn't want to cause them more harm than I knew I could've, and to be sure that Cisco won't be able to track me down using the S.T.A.R. Labs satellite, I stopped running whenever I'm anywhere near the apartment to blend in with the crowd, making me "traceless"

Caitlin's face when she realised Ronnie was gone broke me emotionally, an influx of emotions flooded my mind, and I couldn't bear to watch her cry any longer, the moment she let go of me was when I made the decision to stay as far away from them as possible and ran. Sometimes I wished Wells, or rather, Thawne pretending to be Dr Wells, killed me off there and then, this is a fate worse than death, and I deserve every agonising second of it. What kind of a person puts the people they love into situations where nobody ever wins?

I hate having to lie to Dad about the past 6 months, if anything, I find it difficult to even talk to Dad at all, Joe has to know I would come looking for him, but for some strange reason, he didn't

"What's wrong, slugger?", everything. Being The Flash is arguably the best and worst thing to happen to me, with the incredible powers I possess comes the responsibility to do the right thing and to use my powers to help others, yet I can't help but feel like I abused this power

"The singularity, I can't stop thinking about it", I couldn't lie to Dad any longer, tears began to form and my hand started to shake, "I wasn't fast enough"

In a Game Of Thrones type of world, I deserve a lot worse than the Walk of Atonement. My eyes gave in and I was unable to form any words to elaborate, although thankfully, I didn't need to

"Barry, you did what you could, you can't blame yourself for being unable to save everybody", as anyone else would tell me, but the truth is that I didn't live up to my title as "the fastest man alive", I allowed Wells to get the better of me and forced Eddie into the position to kill himself

Something inside of me finally snapped, "Dad, the truth is that 6 months ago, Eddie killed himself to save me from the man in the yellow suit, I was struggling with my feelings for Iris, and because I didn't deal with them earlier, I made him feel undervalued, to the point where he thought me and Iris belonged together. That might be true in an alternate universe? but certainly not in this one, I didn't just take away the love of Iris' life, but I took Caitlin's as well, I don't deserve forgiveness", it hurt me to say it, but there was no denying it, although I certainly won't use that to make me look like a victim in this situation

And before he could respond, I stood up, looked him in the eye and told him that I needed some time by myself. Dad merely nodded and watched me as I hung up the phone and walked away

I finally told him, what does Dad think of me now? would he tell Joe? did I just push away the last person in my life that made me what I am today? why was I so stupid? do I need to move to Coast City to start over? I needed to go back to the apartment for a nap

As my mind flooded with God-knows-how-many thoughts, today was about to take another turn for the worst, my biggest mistake was trying to unlock the door to the apartment, because the door flew open and there she was, Caitlin's face was red with emotion, her eyes were bloodshot and she certainly wasn't happy

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN FOR 6 MONTHS?!", a sentence I wasn't expecting Caitlin to say, let alone scream at the top of her lungs, I knew I would have to confront one of them eventually, but I didn't know she would care for my well-being, especially after what I did to her

"WE'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!", she couldn't resist hitting me in the chest as she yelled, I was surprised, shocked, confused yet touched all at the same time, and what's worse is that I didn't know what to tell her, so I hugged her and she began sobbing hysterically onto my shoulder

Why would Caitlin Snow still care about Barry Allen after failing to save Ronnie Raymond? that was the million dollar question, and before the neighbours could come out to see where the commotion was coming from, I made my way inside and locked the door behind me, as all of this was happening, Caitlin was still holding onto me, she wouldn't let me go, not even for a second


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Okay, so this fan fiction thing turned out better than I expected (albeit: nothing considering my lack of experience), I honestly didn't expect to finish this story, and considering how brilliantly done eccacia's "Brace Me for Dawn" story is? I decided to slightly alter the direction of this second chapter_

 _Also, I wrote a majority of this chapter early in the morning, so excuse the sloppiness_

 _I don't own CW or the DC characters, but this story is entirely mine_

* * *

 **Caitlin's POV:**

From the moment Ronnie died saving Central City from the singularity, my life nearly fell apart for a second time. S.T.A.R. Labs was shut down, Barry hid in plain sight from his family and friends for 6 months, Cisco left Central City to help Oliver and Felicity monitor Star City not long after Ronnie and Eddie's funerals, Joe threw himself into his work and Iris has become an alcoholic ever since

When he "died" the first time, I was inconsolable, depressed and even suicidal at one point in time, I had nobody basically, the only other two people I had left in my life back then were Cisco, Ronnie's best friend before the particle accelerator incident, and Dr Wells, or more accurately, Eddie's crazy descendant pretending to be Dr Wells. My life was nothing without Ronnie, I had nobody I could really lean on, and with all things considered, I might have waited until Barry wakes up, leaves, allows me to continue with my miserable existence until the day I die and to finally rest in peace

But what actually happened turned out differently, my solace came in the form of the most unlikely person I knew of in my life, both literally and metaphorically. In a strange case of the doctor and patient swapping roles, Barry ended up helping me almost as much, if not more so than I did with him, we shared a near-perfect understanding of one another, we helped each other through countless situations of all sorts, we were there for each other through most of the high points and the low points. And maybe because "Dr Wells" knew that the lives of both Cisco and I were expendable, which was why he was so insistent on the both of us to work with him, let alone to stay and "help" him revive Barry from his comatose state

I wouldn't be ashamed to admit that I missed Barry, that I need him almost as much as the rest of Team Flash and Central City does, if not more so, but in a way which doesn't run past the line because of his undying love for Iris, I figured I could use Iris' alcohol issues as the main focus of the argument for him to stop ignoring all of us, after all; what wouldn't he do for Iris?

Which was why I decided to resign from my position in Mercury Labs to track down Barry's hideout and attempt to talk some sense into him, it might have taken about a month to track the hideout down, but here I am, with my composure thrown right out of the window, crying to the point of exhaustion, screaming my lungs out, burying my face onto his warm shoulder and practically begging for the pain and loneliness to end

"This needs to stop, you can't keep blaming yourself for something you didn't do". Factual and straight to the point, it might not have been the most appropriate response, let alone the one that feels right, but it was the one I could conjure on the spot

"Why should it? this was all my fault, I practically killed them, Eddie and Ronnie died in both of my places because I wasn't fast enough". A harsh conclusion considering just how difficult saving everybody really is, but then again, he's capable of running at superhuman speeds, so he obviously expects more of himself

"Barry, nobody blames you for both of their deaths. Would you think Ronnie and Eddie would enjoy seeing you like this?! if me and Iris really blamed you for what happened, then she wouldn't be sitting in her apartment drinking like a goddamned Irishman". Emotions can make people say things we wouldn't normally think of saying, but I simply couldn't contain myself, I wasn't going to wait for another 6 months

"Everyone you hold close is crumbling apart, including yourself. They miss you, they need you as much as you need them. If this means anything to you at this point in time, I need you too, come back to us, embrace us before you walk down a path you might regret"

And for the first time since I've known him, Barry breaks down hysterically, the more tears there are, the harder he sobs. He drops to his knees, clutching onto my jacket and begging for forgiveness

 **Barry's POV:**

I can't continue to live like this anymore, This day has only gotten worse by the hour. Maybe I was never meant to have these powers, helping civilians from metahumans with powers and crooks who just won't sit still in jail is suffocating me, so I guess it's up to me to rectify God's absurd mistakes

The plan is simple: cry with Caitlin, send her home, hide the Flash suit and jump off the abandoned S.T.A.R. Labs rooftop to die

To be honest: after seeing how happy Iris was with Eddie, my feelings for her eventually dissipated, of course I still love her as an adoptive sister, but after everything I did to her, to Caitlin and to everyone else, I don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve to be with anybody, let alone to interact with them, Joe has to deal with Iris' alcoholism some time soon, but there isn't much the police or Iris will be needing of me

Cisco thankfully hid most of the Flash stuff into "Dr Wells"' secret room before he left for Star City, so nobody can find out who The Flash is. I don't deserve to wear this suit and maybe I never did, after all, "Wells" did this on purpose just to find his way back home, so maybe I was just lucky. The memories I had with this suit and place alone were some of the best in my life, but now it's time to keep everybody and Central City safe: by getting rid of both Barry Allen and The Flash

The view of Central City is brilliant, a moon lit sky with an active city shining with white lights and a gentle breeze to top it off. As a student, I always wanted to make this rooftop for myself, so where better to go than here?

As I closed my eyes and jumped, I heard a distinctively familiar voice calling for me as my body hits the pavement and everything around me fades to black...


End file.
